Ask Mandy: Relationship Communication

Dear Mandy,

My boyfriend and I always get into petty little arguments. They are always over the stupidest things and we both are just too stubborn to say sorry. The next day we just act like it never happened. How can I fix us arguing too much?

Sincerely,

A Troubled Girlfriend

Dear Troubled Girlfriend,

  I don’t blame you for wanting to stop arguing over dumb things; one time my boyfriend and I argued over whether or not a raw potato is edible. After a while, we usually forget why we were fighting in the first place. Arguments and tiffs between you and your significant other put dents in your relationship and give both of you reasons to distance yourselves from each other.

In this situation, you have two choices: you can either work on your communication skills as a couple or keep doing what you’re doing, ignoring the actual problem and forgetting all about the fight.

I think one of the biggest problems in modern day relationships is communication. A lot of the time, we tend to fail to get the message we are trying to portray across to our partners. The first and biggest error in this is that we are usually fighting through text messaging. People can misinterpret the tone of messages in any way other than what you intended it to be. Psychologist John M. Grohol, founder and CEO of Psychcentral.com, says that text messaging is “lacking too much valuable emotional content.”  As teenagers, we like to hide behind a phone because we feel too vulnerable saying the things we want to face-to-face with another person. Something that I think is really important to make sure that communication is strong in a relationship, is making sure both are comfortable with one another. If you cannot openly speak to one another about your feelings or emotions, then your petty arguments are never going to go away.

For some couples, ignoring the fight completely is how they maintain their relationship. Speaking from a personal standpoint, sometimes this route seems to work a lot better. You both just drop the situation at hand, and just start a whole new and positive conversation. The downside to this method, however,  would be that sometimes that argument just rests in the back of your head. It sits there, and simmers and it just boils your blood the more you dwell on it. Eventually, someone ends up bringing up the fight again; making it ten times worse than it originally is.

My suggestion is to communicate better! Good communication is the prime key to any good relationship that you want to last a long period of time. Being able to efficiently talk to one another about anything is important, but it is especially pivotal that you be able to speak about your emotions and your relationship. Your relationship will become more open, and your bond, not only as a couple, but as best friends, will become stronger. And I think we can all agree that having a significant other that can double as your best friend is one of the greatest things you can ask for in life.